CRAPITALISM: Introduction

Capitalism kicks ass, Crapitalism sucks.

Capitalism and the free market generate jobs, create pathways out of poverty, and keep people like Rosie O’Donnell off food stamps.

Crapitalism has taken the greatest economic system ever known to man and sullied it.

Americans love capitalism. Only pot-smoking Marxists and flea-infested Occupy Wall Street types could oppose an economic system that has built the middle class and made the United States the richest nation ever to inhabit planet earth.

But what Americans don’t love – what they loathe, in fact – are well-connected crony capitalists who make millions by picking taxpayers’ pockets. These poseur capitalists have turned capitalism into its very opposite. Real capitalists don’t take bailouts or corporate welfare, or suck from the government contract teat. Real capitalists get rich by providing goods and services that benefit us all. That’s good for them, and it’s good for us.

But all that good goes up in smoke when business and government hop in the sack together.

When cronyism collides with capitalism you get…Crapitalism. Crapitalism has forced us to subsidize goods and services that we would never have subsidized otherwise. It’s allowed the rich and famous to become even more rich and famous at our expense.

And, most disturbing, it’s turned the rule of law on its head by creating two classes of citizens: those who benefit from crony connections and those who don’t.

Americans agree. A Rasmussen poll found that people oppose crony capitalism 3-1. So strong is the bipartisan loathing of cronyism that a full 64 percent say they believe government money will be wasted "if the government provides funding for a project that private investors refuse to back." Just 27 percent believe it is ever okay "for the Government to make investments in private companies."

Who, then, supports perverting free markets?

Answer: Crapitalists.

Let’s define a Crapitalist: A well-connected friend of the powers that be who scores big bucks at taxpayer expense. From bagging millions in tax dollars for phony "green energy" companies that go bust, to vacuuming public coffers to build glitzy sports stadiums, to utilizing little-known tax-credit loopholes to loot $1.5 billion a year for Hollywood movies – Crapitalists know how to use every trick to enrich themselves at taxpayer expense. Rather than playing and winning in the rough-and-tumble world of business competition, Crapitalists use government to rig the game in their favor and leave you and me – the taxpayers – holding the bill. These corporate sissies know their ideas suck, so they try to stack the deck to privatize their profits and socialize their losses.

And there’s the rub: crony capitalism is socialism’s Trojan horse.

When government gets in the business of picking winners and losers, free market competition – the "muscles" that animate capitalism – begin to atrophy. That’s what big government Leftists want. Sadly, it’s also what some corporatist Republicans want as well. Republicans like Jeffrey Immelt, the head of General Electric. He’s taken cronyism to a stratospheric level, going as far as to call Uncle Same a "key partner." And later on you’ll see he wasn’t kidding. GE has lobbied its "partner" to impose regulations, mandates, and other edicts that boost its bottom line. Hell, if you look up the definition of "corporate welfare" in an online dictionary, you may get back "General Electric" as the answer.

To the Crapitalist, ideology isn’t nearly as important as who will keep the government gravy train operating at full speed. That’s why some fat-cat Republicans are already dropping hints that they would support Hillary Clinton for president over a more populist candidate like Rand Paul or Ted Cruz in 2016, because they know she’d maintain the cozy relationship that Wall Street has enjoyed with D.C.

Real conservatives and libertarians, on the other hand, understand there’s a major difference between being pro free markets and pro big business. Those who support free markets believe businesses should compete to win customers. Being pro-business sometimes means turning a blind eye to government bailouts and corporate welfare if they boost profits. The former leads to wealth and prosperity. The latter leads to Socialism.

That’s why Crapitalists are so dangerous.

Take, for example, billionaire John Doerr and his good pal Al Gore, both partners in the venture capital firm Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers. With an estimated $3.3 billion net worth, Doerr lands at number 168 on Forbe’s list of richest Americans.

And, as the New York Times notes, Gore is "poised to become the world’s first ‘carbon billionaire,’ profiteering from government policies he supports that would direct billions of dollars to the business ventures he has invested in." Their firm has donated at least $2.2 million to political campaigns, most of which has gone to Democrats (shocker).

To put it simply, these are two loaded liberals.

In 2008, Doerr and Gore’s firm became a major stakeholder in the "green car" company Fisker Automotive. As Fisker’s CEO explained to the Wall Street Journal, because of Doerr and Gore’s investment "we have all the capital we need to move forward."

Now, if two losers want to blow millions investing on a $107,000 car that runs on electricity – half of which comes from burning coal, you morons! – in the name of saving the planet, fine. Let them.

But that’s not what happened.

The very next year, Obama’s Department of Energy approved Fisker for $529 million in taxpayer-funded government loans. The Obama Energy Department swears Gore had nothing to do with the approval of the loan. (if you believe that, I have a crappy electric car to sell you.) However, numerous companies vying for DOE loans said the process reeked of cronyism. Indeed, sixteen of John Doerr’s green-tech venture projects received taxpayer-funded loans for grants. "God bless the Obama Administration and the U.S. government," said Doerr. "We have really got the A-team now working on green innovation in our country."

But there was just one teensy problem on the road to Doerr and Gore’s green earth glory. The Fisker Karma turned out to be taxpayer-funded junk.

First, there were the fires – as in, the car catching on fire. Fisker claimed the problem was the battery and issued the obligatory recalls. Then, a few months later, another Fisker Karma caught fire. This time Team Goremobile blamed it on the cooling fans and recalled 2,400 Karmas.

Then there was the issue of Fisker outsourcing jobs by assembling the Karma entirely in Finland, a revelation Mitt Romney wisely pounced on. "I am ashamed to say that we’re seeing our president hand out money to the businesses of campaign contributors, when he gave money, $500 million in loans, to a company called Fisker that makes high-end electric cars, and they make the cars now in Finland."

D’oh!

But best of all was Consumer Reports’ testing of the Fisker Karma wherein the car literally died right in the middle of the test! Think I’m joking? Pull up the YouTube clip and watch for yourself. You just can’t make this stuff up.

Fisker Automotive ultimately filed for bankruptcy and was bought up by a Chinese vehicle manufacturer. Meanwhile, taxpayers suffering in the worst economy since the Great Depression are forced to sit back and watch as Crapitalist Doerr and Gore flush millions in taxpayer cash down the turd chute on a green scheme designed to make them millions, minimize their losses, and stick taxpayers with the tab either way.

Crapitalism, pure and simple.

Crapitalists don’t just seize taxpayer money for things only patchouli-smelling hippies enjoy, like electric cars. They also use some of America’s favorite institutions, like pro football, as lures designed to loot our hard-earned money. Consider, for example, Minnesota Vikings owner Zygi Wilf. Wilf successfully lobbied to force taxpayers to foot more than half the bill ($498 million, to be exact) for the new $985 million showplace stadium where my New York Giants can kick the stew out of his Vikings. Amazingly, the liberal state of New Jersey didn’t ask the taxpayers to pay a single dime in 2010 to build a $1.6 billion NFL stadium for the Jets and Giants, nor did Massachusetts raid the public treasury to help the New England Patriots build its facility in 2002. But the vast majority of NFL stadiums are publicly funded, with taxpayers subsidizing a jaw-dropping 65 percent of the total costs.

What’s up with that?

Why should Crapitalists be allowed to bilk taxpayers to fund teams – many of which suck – so they can get richer?

Crapitalists always cloak their cronyism in the guise of helping society, saving the planet, or doing it "for the children." So it’s hardly surprising that Zygi and his ilk claim new stadiums produce an explosion of economic development and jobs. But a boatload of economic studies show such claims are almost always bogus. Indeed, according to Democratic Minnesota state senator John Marty, the cost to taxpayers for Zygi’s football profit palace will be around $72 per ticket---for the next thirty years. Republican state senator Warren Limmer agrees: "I think the real question is, what is the financial need of someone asking for help from the state government to solve their private business problems?" As the senators’ comments demonstrate, hatred of taxpayer-swindling Crapitalists should be a bipartisan affair.

But here now you have some poor hammer-swinging construction worker getting fleeced to pay for a stadium he can’t even afford to take his kids to so that billionaire Zygi Wilf can fatten his wallet – all while subjecting the nation to the atrocity that is the Minnesota Vikings.

Idiots.

Crapitalists have also sunk their crony claws into the world of movies. Take the iconic filmmaker Steven Spielberg. Forbes says that with a net worth of $3.6 billion, Spielberg is the 152nd-richest person in America. You’d think homeboy, rolling in that much dough could fund his own flicks without any taxpayer support. Well, he could. But he decided to milk taxpayers anyway. And with the help of lawmakers, no less!

Spielberg had his eyes on Virginia as a possible location to film his biopic on Abraham Lincoln for years, but it wasn’t until the general assembly and the governor offered him a financial package worth millions that he made his decision.

I know, what a strange coincidence.

"Virginia’s rich historic legacy, coupled with the remarkable period architecture found in Richmond and Petersburg, make Central Virginia the ideal location for this production," Spielberg said.

Not everyone was pleased with the announcement, however.

"From my point of view, the state giving $5 million to a billionaire to make his movie in Virginia is a luxury our state can’t afford right now when we are cutting education, Medicaid and the rest of our safety net," noted on state delegate.

Keep in mind that Lincoln grossed more than $180 million worldwide. So not only were Virginia residents shelling out cash for overpriced movie tickets, but they were also subsidizing a film that brought in almost three times its estimated budget.

Of course, Virginia is hardly alone in raiding public funds to attract big-studio production. Around forty states offer similar types of tax credits. And as we’ll learn, these Hollywood handouts rarely live up to their economic hype. But politicians will pat themselves on the back because of the photo op arranged alongside their favorite celebrity. Think of it as the most expensive selfie ever – except you’re not even in the picture.

Let me let you in on one of Crapitalism’s dirtiest secrets. Contrary to what most liberals would have you believe, big business does not hate big government. To the contrary, as author Timothy P. Carney points out, "Big business and big government prosper from the perception that they are rivals instead of partners (in plunder)." Think about it. If say, crushing government-imposed regulations can dramatically raise the prices on small start-up companies entering a market, big companies are all for it! Heck, big companies often love regulations, because their deep pockets allow them to easily absorb the financial costs that their smaller, leaner competitors can never afford.

And when big government programs require big government spending, big companies looking for big government contracts come running. Government should not be a corporate sugar daddy handing out our taxpayer dollars to businesses willing to prostitute themselves by bagging crony deals. Why? Because the libertarian and conservative visions of a limited, smaller government will never come to fruition as long as companies have a vested interest in seeing government grow.

And you see, that’s what’s so messed up about Crapitalism: it snuffs out the magic of true, rock-ribbed American competition. As University of Chicago economics professor Luigi Zingales puts it, "A truly competitive market has no place for favoritism."

This book is an unapologetic call for a return to real, true, competition-driven capitalism – the kind that has lifted millions of poor people into the middle class, created jobs and opportunities, and helped spark life-changing and lifesaving innovations that bring value and greater freedom to our lives.

But simply loving free markets isn’t enough; we must defend our economic freedoms from the crony crooks seeking to pervert them.

That means naming names, reporting facts, and raining shame on the Crapitalists who would rather swipe your tax dollars to fund their loony ideas and cover their financial asses than compete, innovate, and win their way to the top the old-fashioned way, through hard work and competition.

It’s time to stop apologizing for the freedom-producing engine that is free market competition.

It’s time to protect taxpayers from the lazy limousine liberals who would rather poach your money than earn real profits. It’s time to flush these Crapitalists down the toilet. Let the flushing begin!